Why is it that weight problems usually affect women more than men? Why is it that most societies condemn women for gaining weight than they do men? You’ll hear people whispering “look at her, she’s so fat, ever since she got married she doesn’t take care of herself, she’ll lose that man if she doesn’t watch out”. But with a man it’s very different, you’ll hear them saying, ” wow, look how fit he is , marriage life really agrees with him doesn’t it? That wife of his is really doing a great job feeding him”.
Did you see how it suddenly changed from fat to fit? In most cases you’ll never, ever, hear people calling a man fat but women, women bare the brunt everyday if they dare gain a few inches. I would like to tell you a story about a late friend of mine, a very, very beautiful African girl with an incredible shapely body. She had curves in all the right places, she was so beautiful that all the men wanted her but sadly enough she didn’t see her own beauty. She dropped out of school and got married at a young age and she lived for her husband, literally.
She was very, very intelligent, very, very bright , she was offered a bursary right before the wedding but he asked her who was going to take care of the house and their future children if she goes to school. So she had to choose between her career and the marriage, she chose him of course and her life was never the same. It all started after she gave birth to their first child. She had gained a little weight and he wasn’t pleased about it. Not a day past where he didn’t remind her of her weight.
She came to me in tears one day and told me that he threatened to leave her if she didn’t lose a few kilos. She said he gave her a month and after that they will have to rethink their marriage. According to him she was a disgrace because he couldn’t go anywhere with her, not to his family and certainly not to his work functions because it’s embarrassing to be seen with such a huge elephant. I was so shocked and I thought she would leave him but instead she put pressure on me to go to the gym with her.
I supported her, but hesitantly, I knew I couldn’t tell her the truth about how I really felt about her husband because then I would be the enemy and she wouldn’t have anyone. So we went to the gym every single day, she was so desperate she wouldn’t hear anything about missing the gym. The scale was her best friend and her smile faded every single day that passed without there being any progress. Watching the light fade from her eyes every single day really scared me and I asked her one day “my friend why are you doing this, why are you putting yourself through all of this pain, I hate seeing you like this, is there anything I can do ?”
She looked at me and said “I see how you all look at me, I know you all think I’m stupid, and in my mind I agree with you all, I know he doesn’t deserve me, but my heart, my heart is not ready to let him go, not yet.” I had never seen her so broken before, I invited her to church and that was the last I saw of her. She took an overdose of sleeping tablets. As opposed to men women are supposed to look a certain way or be a certain size in order to be loved by men. If you are a man all you have to do is have money but it’s not that simple for women.
That puts enormous pressure on women and not all of us can handle it. So guys please think twice before calling a woman fat. If you see that she’s gaining a little weight just gently suggest that you guys go jogging together or take up a new fun sport together like dancing,swimming, or even tennis . And if you see that she’s on a diet don’t go eating junk food in front of her, try to support her by eating what she eats and then eat all your junk at work or with friends. All I’m saying is most men do not support their women with their diets and their exercise regime, they wait until it’s too late and then start with the criticism.
That is wrong on so many levels, make sure that you play a role from the start, find ways to be active together always, don’t go to the gym alone, register for dance classes together, make it team work. Show her you value her health and that figure of hers and that you’re willing to walk a mile to make sure she keeps it. Show her you value her that much. Don’t wait until the damage is done and then start calling her names or leave her for someone else. Love is hard work and if you love someone you make it your life’s work to empower and to better them. That is called unconditional love, women do it all the time for men, try loving them the way they love you for a change and see how the lifespan of relationships might just increase. Try it, I dare you, otherwise what have you got to lose?